Dis-Equilibrium

So yeah...pretty epic fail I know..it's been about 2 weeks?? hahaha I think it's safe to say I will not be neccissarily writting a blog everyday, however, that doesnt mean I'm not thankful for something everyday it simply means I cant post everyday, espcially since my laptop once again has something wrong with it and other people use the main computer in my house so sorry about that. But I got a good topic today if I do say so myself hahaha

So I'm taking this child development class and one of the things my teacher taught us yesterday really stuck out to me. Well you know when a child is really young they soak up so much information in such a small amount of time especially within the first few years. So in their minds there is two stages that they go through when experiencing the world. Equilibrium and Dis-equilibrium.

Equilibrium is when everything makes sense to them and everything is perfect in the world, and dis-equilibrium if you can guess is when they are lost and confused and things are out of wack to them. The example she gave is that when she taught her 2 year old son what a doggy was, he had to learn that it had 4 legs, 2 ears, it was furry, and it had a tail...and the 2 year old was cool with this, he was in equilibrium because the world made sense. Then he went on a walk and saw a cat for the first time and he turned to his mom and said "look mommy a doggy!"....and when that 2 year old heard his mom say "No baby thats not a doggy that's a cat" the 2 year old (in his mind) went a lil crazy. In his mind all he's thinking is "what, what are you talking about, what the heck's a cat?! No! 4 legs, 2 ears, furry, and has a tail THAT'S A DOG! Now you say its a cat..whaaaat??!" ...the kids in dis-equilibrium because something doesn't make sense, and children go back and forth between equilibrium and dis-equilibrium soo often literally every minute this happens when they are little and learning all these things about the world. Now before you go feeling bad for them cause they are constanly confused and thrown off course with life's curve balls. This next part is what cuaght my attention. She said that in these moments of confusion and dis-equilibrium, with the proper guidance from parents, these are the moments where the child learns the most! When the child has no challenges and is in easy equilibrium it's not learning! These moments of confusion are where the child can learn some of the biggest things and this is where their understanding of the world is greatly enhanced (again with the proper guidance).

What was funny to me is that....as I thought about it I realized this doesnt end after the age of 5. YUP! Hear I go bringing faith, and life, and God into it! hahahaha I mean seriously though life.....it sucks sometimes. It's not always going to make sense, you're not always going to get a clear answer. Things and people are going to hurt you. But it's in these moments of confusion and hurt and being lost that we have the opportunity to grow and learn so much about life, and even to learn so much about ourselves. When life is easy peezy lemon squeezy, sure it's a lot more enjoyable and definitly appreciate those times and make the best of them, but there is also something to appreciate about the not so easy moments life gives us.

Here's the difference though bewteeen a 2 year old going through dis-equilibrium and an older kid or adult going through it. Remember the child can learn so much if given the proper guidance by the parents. However, when you're a teen, or a young adult or older getting that "proper guidance" is really up to you. I'm pretty sure I've said this before considering its somehting I really believe...Happiness is mostly a choice. Yes things cause us to feel a certain way but only for a small amount of time and after that it's up to us if we hang on to that feeling or not. Why would you want to hang on to anger, or sadness, or jealousy, or anything other than happiness?? When life doesnt make sense and you feel you're going slightly insane, it's up to you if you want to stop being sad and confused. You CAN NOT always solve the problem, but you can change how you think about the problem. Reorganize priorities and remember what's important in your life. Take that opportunity to grow and learn and change for the better. Take that opportunity that comes with EVERY fall in life.

So if you're going through a confusing time and things are not making sense at all and you wanna call a cat a dog haha.....look for that guidance, for that peace. I cant tell you who that "proper guidance" is...maybe it's a person you look up to who is hopefuly a good role model. I personally think music can sometimes be the proper guidance in some cases, you know you hear a song and remember whats important in life it's great haha...not that anyone asked but call me corny but God has always proven to be a pretty good "proper guidance" type person in my life. Faith is what gets me through but again I have to go find it and sometimes I dont wanna fidn it (that would be the stubborn 2 year talking hahah) but eventually I knwo that I want to find peace of mind and I know that there are certain peopel in my life that I can go to, and they alwasy point me back to my faith....I've grown a lot because of them but I've really grown a lot because of all the things I've had to over come in life....you're gonna be ok, you'll get that equilibrium and you're going to be stronger because of it, just keep the faith :)   

Do Not Be Afraid I Am With You

Not to much explanation today on exactly why I'm thankful for this song, it's one of those either you know the story or you dont. And if you want to know the story you can ask me yourself. But today I am thankful for a specific moment in my life and this song is a huge part of that moment so hope you enjoy.

You ever have that moment where you finally give up trying to fix everything in your life by yourself and realize you can't do it alone? And not like, asking someone else for help but rather accepting that you have to let God do his thing and just trust him? Even though letting go is good for you and it's really good when you realize that sometimes there's nothing more you can do, however, it is also very scary to let go because you don't know what's going to happen. In the back of your head you feel things are always gonna be bad and maybe even get worse. It's one of those "I have no idea where to go from here" type of moments, it's also the moment where you usually feel the most alone.

It's funny though in my expereince both personally and also through watching other people I've learned that when you're at your rock bottom moments and you feel SOOO far away from God and everything else.....ironicaly those are the moments you are closest to Him. I think this is because at these moments we accept that we have no control sometimes, and we accept that we need something else, something beyond what we can attain for ourselves. Something like faith. I feel many people miss the opportunity to feel God because they get caught up in the frustration but when you are at these moments try praying, and you'd be surprised I think. At these moments it's nice to hear things like "Do not be afraid, I am with you" or "I love you"....This song is one of the very few if not only songs that I have heard, that is from the perspective of God. It sounds like God himself is talking to you in the song. I heard this song for the first time while I was in one of these moments and I believe that was more than a coincidence. I hope while reading the lyrics to the song you take it as a prayer, just make sure you're in a silent place and truly think about what the song is saying and maybe or hopefully I should say it can help you where ever you're at in life right now.

I will come to you in the silence
I will lift you from all your fear
You will hear My voice
I claim you as My choice
Be still, and know I am near

I am hope for all who are hopeless
I am eyes for all who long to see
In the shadows of the night,
I will be your light
Come and rest in Me

Do not be afraid, I am with you
I have called you each by name
Come and follow Me
I will bring you home
I love you and you are mine

I am strength for all the despairing
Healing for the ones who dwell in shame
All the blind will see, the lame will all run free
And all will know My name

Do not be afraid, I am with you
I have called you each by name
Come and follow Me
I will bring you home
I love you and you are mine

I am the Word that leads all to freedom
I am the peace the world cannot give
I will call your name, embracing all your pain
Stand up, now, walk, and live

Do not be afraid, I am with you
I have called you each by name
Come and follow Me
I will bring you home
I love you and you are mine

CHALLENGE: There are many pleasures in life that promise happiness, but all of those usually have an expiration date. And when those limited pleasures are gone we are left right at the beginning feeling like we need something more to be happy. This song reminds me that God is always there and that in the end if God is not in my life then nothing will ever quench my desire to be happy. Not to say that other things cant make us happy however I feel when Im good on my faith, I realize way more reasons to be happy and it's a better kind of happy than when Im not good with my faith if that makes sense? Basically God is the only one who can do all the things that the song says...and at those moments where we feel alone and confused and scared....just remember to not be afraid, cause he's always there.  

My Peer Leaders

So a big theme this year before the actual retreat happened was focusing on who the "lights" in your life were. And honestly before any retreat I always start to think about my retreat as a student and why it was I came back and who was there and just think back on the good times I guess haha infact about 3 weeks before the retreat I always start playing my 2nd year retreat CD just to get me in the right mood lol

I am thankful for the group of peer leaders I had when I was a confirmation student. At the time obviously I didn't know all the work they had to do and all the preperation but every year I come back to help I am reminded of how much they had to do for my retreat. It really is impossible for me to get through a retreat with out thinking about my own retreat and all the peer leaders that were there for me back then. Most of them are no longer working retreats but that doesnt mean they are not in my life anymore. I pretty much talk to all of them still maybe a few out of the entire team back then that I don't somehow still have contact with.

See everyyear there is a new group of people that come back to be peer leaders and they are always great and every year it feels I find a new reason to stay and help and I always meet people that give my faith a boost and just keep me on track but it all began with my peer leaders back in the day hahha they took the time out of their lives to come back and share with us and they were just the coolest kids ever in my opinion at the time lol so I really want to take the time to appreciate them and aknowledge them and all they did no matter where they are now. I can confidently say 5 years later that I will NEVER forget anything about my second year retreat and all the amazing people that helped with it.

Even though we're not allowed back because they think we might have stolen something (long story ask if you really wanna know lol) Julian will always be one of my top favorite places in the world! That's where we had my retreat by the way ahhah it was such a great place! There was a "talk room" then right next to it was a "Music" room an entire room just to do the music stuff, then not to far away was a rec room that had a pool table and a foosball table AND a ping pong table I believe and that was the "arts and crafts" room, then of course a kitchen and again not to far down they had a football field where we played soccer on free time hahaha It honestly was a great place that someday I want to go back and visit.

One of the greatest things about my peer leaders....is that they're still my peer leaders hahahah well we all grew up and we're not 16,17, or 18 anymore now we're all 21, 23, or 24 now but some of them are still active in church and so I see them all the time, or again I just still keep in contact with them. I still look up to them and ok I'll admit it....I still think they are some of the coolest people on the planet! hahaha I know they will always be there for me cause over the years they have been there for me when stuff has happened. They still are some of the first people I go to if I need someone to talk too and if you ask me they are still some of the BEST role models a person could ask for. I trully am lucky and I truly feel blessed to have had those people as peer leaders, and as friends. I'm happy they still are important in my life and I have a feeling no matter where life takes us they will ALWAYS be my peer leaders and I will always love them and I think I can confidently say they will always love me too.

(So there was A LOT more peer leaders that this blog is talking about but this is the only picture I had on hand from my retreat sorry ahha...these were the group leaders on my retreat but yes A LOT of people are missing from the entire team again sorry but I thought this was a nice picture anyways haha)

CHALLENGE: I have a lot of blogs about friends and how you should take the time to appreciate them so I'm hoping you get the message pretty clearly now. People come and go in your life and that is NOT a bad thing and people who may not be in your life anymore that doesnt make them bad people or bad friends. However, there is something to be said about the people who have been in your life for a long time, who no matter what happened always kept in touch somehow. Just as always with everyone who is important to you...remember to show them you care and that you're thankful for them every now and then haha

Sick Again

Ok so I know I have been failing big time this past week with this blog I'm sorry, the day I got back from retreat I got really sick and just havn't really remembered to post something, but I'm on orders to not get out of bed today so I will be posting probably a few today to try to make up for the ones I have missed.

So right off the bat I want to start today with a similar one that I have posted before about being sick. If you read the other one than yes this might seem redundant so you can stop reading if you'd like haha. If you have not read the other one about being sick then let me explain why I am thankful for it. Now I don't think saying I'm thankful for being sick is the right way to put it because I don't like bieng sick at all!! However I cant lie, it is nice to have people take care of you :)

And again just like in the other post, when I say everyone I mean EVERYONE! For example today my mom actually told me to stay in bed all day and rest not to even try to do anything around the house. She told me to call work and tell them I cant go and yesterday she told me not to go to school.....now maybe for some of you this sounds normal of a parent when a child is sick but the thing is that has NEVER happened before here lol. Normally they dont believe that I am as sick as I say I am and they get mad if I have to skip school cause im "sick". You know the "suck it up" type of thing hahahha but this time they are actually being very nice about it hahahha

Even my dad seems to have more patience with me cause when i get sick I swear I know more about medicine that he does even though he's the doctor hahahha. Well not really only when it comes to allergy medicine he tries to give me. I dont know what it is about allergy medicine but I do not like taking it, I'll take anything else he gives me but the second he says take this allergy pill Im like "woah why??!!?" it's weird hahah but he just goes along with me lol

CHALLENGE: The real challenge is to no get sick this season cause honestly it feels like everyone is sick so all I can say is I hope you dont get sick and if you already are sick then I hope you get better soon!

It's the little things

Today what I'm thankful for reminds me that, the things you are thankful for don't have to be big things, or even deep emotional things. Sometimes the things that make you the happiest person are the smaller thinsg in life and sometimes they are so small that unfortunatley we over look them and forget to realy look back and thank God for that moment.

Tonight I went to a friends soccer game. It was sooooo cold and I was already a little sick to begin with so honeslty I think it just made me worse! However, it was a lot of fun with friends and his family watching him play. Even though we were cold, we still made the best of the situation and well we won, or he won cuz we werent playing but you know what I mean. If I could write down all the funny thinsg that were said I would but it really as as simple as, I had a great time and laughed a lot.

That's what I'm thankful for, sweet and simple, no life lesson, just a small part of my day that made me smile and laugh. And lets be honest no matter how small the moment may be if it made you smile and laugh then that's enough to be thankful for it. It's the little things in life that make us the happiest and yet it's the little things that we over look all the time.

CHALLENGE: It's funny when I sit here to write my blog, I usually look back and reflect on my day to see what stands out as something I want to write about. Thing is, no matter how many things get me upset or annoy me or make me sad during the day, because of this blog when I sit down at the end of the day to think I force myself to focus on the good because well I have to for the blog hahah. And no matter how my day was, when I sit here and think of all the good things that happened and made me happy, I kind of completely forget about all the things that might have made me "not happy". I don't know if I'm explaining myself the rigth way but basically before you go to bed at night try to look back on your day to all the good things that happened and only focus on those, you'd be surprised how you start to realize that life is good, and appreciate the little things.

YAG!! :D

Today I have a special shout out to my yaggers....some of you have NO IDEA who I'm talking bout. So I'll explain for ya! At my church we have the Youth Group, which is for kids in high school to hang out and have fun with some spiritual growth obviously. But a few years ago one of the confirmation teachers, Toni, decided that those kids who were out of high school but still really involved at church needed there own space. Youth Group is a great program but it tailers to high school kids with mostly high school problems. So she knew the young adults needed a program that was more "grown up" in the issues they talked about and addressed more adult problems or the same problem just in a more mature way. So she started the Young Adult Group hence..YAG lol creative I know hahah so might as well give you the rest of the history, after running it for a little over a year Toni stepped down and Theresa took over as person in charge of running YAG and person who organizes the young adults for events and such. Well a few weeks ago Theresa announced that she is going back to school and will not be free to attend YAG anymore and even though we are all very sad cause it really wont be the same with out her, we are all also very proud of her and wish her all the best. Plus we will still see her at church so she really isnt "leaving" hahaha

So now that Theresa has also stepped down she left YAG to two young woman. Trisha and myself will be teaming up to run YAG and hopefully we can do half of the amazing job that Toni and Theresa have done in the past :)

But I would like to take this moment to say how thankful I am to this young adult group, at the beginning I was extremely reluctant to join especially since there was a few people who I did not know and at the time I was the youngest member for about 2 years. But quickly I came to love it. It honeslty has helped me a lot in understanding things in a differnt way and I can honeslty say I have never really read and talked about and tried to understand the bible before YAG. To some it may seem like, ANOTHER THING FOR CHURCH??!! but for me it's more of a midweek time with God, cause even though idealy we should make time for him each day but life can get hectic and I love my midweek OLG visits hahah.

Plus the people there I must say are pretty dang awesome!! I am no longer the youngest won! lol and I know I can go to them whenever I need them and it's not just a group i go to, it's another family and you can never have to much family in your life haha

So I am thankful for YAG and how it helps me, I am thankful that Toni realized the young adults needed a place to go, I am thankful for all Theresa has done to help the program grow stronger, and I am terrified at "taking over" hahahah but at the same time thankful and humbled that Theresa and the other "yaggers" trust Trisha and myself with such a responsibility.

This is way back in the old school days of YAG when we would meet at Theresa's house lol ok so not THAT long ago but still!! lol love this people! <3

CHALLENGE: I mentioned it real quickly in this blog, but it is really important. Do you give God a good amount of you life, year, month, week, day even?? If yes, then good for you, if you're like me and can honeslty admit that no you dont then thats my challenge not just for this blog but for this lent. Yag helped me with having one hour in the middle of the week to think about God and pray and at the same time a mid week hangout with some of my best friends every week (you know our motto lol) So find a way to give God a few hours a week, just to say thank you, and honeslty to give yourself that one hour of peace away from the rest of your life to just think, it honeslty can not hurt but only help. :) 

Today My Life Begins

Oh boy...so this past weekend was the 2nd year confirmation retreat which is why I did not post anything, and then yesterday I was just way to tired to post a blog for it sorry haha.

I can not even start to explain how thankful I am for this past weekend, again it's one of those things that I can try to explain but you will never fully understand the feeling unless you see for yourself. All I can say is that this is one of the most amazing retreats ever! I mean I've gone on so many retreats you almost feel like you've seen it all, but then you see a group of  big tough guys that have been fighting us all year in confirmation classes, actually start to pray over each other and cry and hug each other and you just realize God will never stop amazing you. Every retreat has it's specialness to it but I really feel like this retreat was extra special for some reason.

Out of respect for the students and even peer leaders who I saw experience many things this weekend, I cant go into detail but I really did see miracles happen this weekend. It's always amazing to see the difference in people from the moment they step off the bus to getting back on the bus two days later as completely different people. Like the one thing I can say because it really does make me feel very happy and proud for what I do as a junior minister. When everyone became friends on facebook after the retreat you know I went on a few of the students pages and it's just hard to exlpain what it feels like to see that the day before retreat there post are so negative and cursing the world for everything and some even talking smack on the retreat they havnt been on...and then sunday night there post are 200% changed! Now they seem so much happier and excited for life, like they have a new found hope....I love it!

These kids give a whole new meaning to the idea of never giving up on a person hahah if any of you are reading this, you know I love you all but you honeslty are a stubborn group lol you all were soo sure you were gonna hate the retreat and it was hard to stay strong when most of you showed not only no interest but at times, some of you pushed us away HARD and with attitude. But again our faith and our hope of what you would hopefully understand is what kept us strong and we never gave up on you guys and we never will!

I'm so happy beyond words that the students really got something amazing out of this retreat. All the hard work and exhaustion and all nighters...they all dont matter in the end when all the students talk about how they had a great experience. To see them so thankful and happy, makes everything so worth it!!

I could literally go on FOREVER!! about how much this retreat ment to me and all the things I was thankful for but I'll save the little thankful stories for other posts haha....I have a feeling the next week or so of posts are going to somehow be about the retreat cause there is just way to much to be thankful for about it to shove it into one post so I'll spread it out more haha.

CHALLENGE: This is more for the people who went on retreat....Never lose what you found this weekend. Hold on to that feeling of hope and faith and love. Unfortunatley retreats cant last forever, and we have to go home and we don't know what exactly everyone has to go home too. Help each other stay strong, and remember you can always start again and God will always be there for you.